WELCOME! I've been meaning to add a blog devoted to stopping bullies
from bullying, and it just happened to be on a day when I, myself, was bullied.
That is, a person attempted to bully me today (read story below). But this
isn't about me, by-and-large. I managed to grow up without feeling
overly bullied by others, albeit there was some of that...and thankfully I am
able to handle myself physically and otherwise in most situations, but then I grew up in the
midwest and now I live in southern California and there's a whole new type of
dynamics to deal with around here than there is "back east." And of
course most of us in one way or another probably have bullied others at one
point in time whether we realize it or not. But this isn't about the infrequent
sins that we all commit, but about SERIAL BULLIES...those who make a way of
life and living in intimidating others..in one way or another..maybe
physically with actual threats of bodily harm..or maybe just by being
overbearing..sitting too close to somebody. And it's not always about a large
male person who can be a bully towards others. Women can be bullies as well. I
think some so-called "Big Mama's" rely on their size, and even want to
increase in size for the sake of having "power" over others" .
IN rare cases using one's size over another can be good...; for example, we
want to SCARE terrorists and if being big & powerful & intimidating
does the job, so be it...even if preferabbly we could change
terrorists hearts & minds & souls with the love of Jesus...if it
doesn't work..if their hearts are hardened, at some point we need to use
physical intimidation.
But by and large this is a blog AGAINST normal everyday bullying that
occurs coincidentally and incidentally and spontaneously. I'll being with my
own experience below. Stay tuned for more posts about bullying. God bless you, and remember,
we Christians have the power of the Holy Spirit to defend ourselves. We must trust
in the Spirit. I think my story below is a good example of retaining my
masculinity while not backing down, and trusting in the Holy Spirit.
***************************************
8/19/14 INCIDENT REPORT
SO I found a place to park at a 99 cent only
store, where I periodically stock up on basic supplies (canned food, pasta,
toothpaste, sometimes fruits & veggies etc…typically the same items for less than you pay at
ralphs et al)…this is in Glendale on the edge of Burbank. After parking, I sat
in my car for a moment listening to a story on the radio.
Then I cracked my door open and slowly
swung it outward, always careful NOT to hit the car next to me…so I always open
the door gently and slowly…this time it stopped short..I
looked and noticed a young Latino woman was standing there…the door had touched
her backside. I immediately pulled the door back and said, “Sorry”
and waited for her to get in the car.
She got in the car, but her latino boyfriend
apparently decided to turn this small nothing into an incident. First, he reached over to her and
rubbed her back and said, “Are you ok?” Then he got out of the driver’s seat
and walked around the car, suddenly so chivalrous, and shut the door for her.
He apparently decided to take as much time as he could while I waited to get
out…finally, I said, “Can I get out?”
And that’s when he decided to turn
up the volume. “What’s your problem, man?” he yelled. …and from there I can’t
remember the exact words or sequence of conversation but I knew that he was
immediately turning this into a race issue. If I had been latino, this wouldn’t
have been an issue at all. He started repeating the F word over and over
towards me.
I just stood there…at one point I said
something like “DO you think I’m scared because I’m a white boy?” . He kept
trying to get louder, apparently tring to draw attention.I continued to stand
there, waiting for him to move. He moved closer and bumped his chest against
me. I couldn’t resist saying, “Why are you bumping up against me? Are you gay
or something?” That fueled his fire.
Then a few guys came walking
over…two black guys, and two white guys. The latino guy immediately assumed the
black guys were on his side for some reason. I didn’t think latinos &
blacks considered themselves one with each other. One of the white guys took my
side. I wasn’t sure about the other white guy.
The latino guy said, “I’m just as
American as you are..I was born here..” . I said, “I didn’t say anything about
you not being American…” . It didn’t matter. This was about him being
brown and seeing me as “white.” I knew that immediately. Had I been Latino, he
would have never even gotten out of
the car and made an issue.
Maybe they thought they could “shake me
down”…play hurt…start a lawsuit against a “white rich guy.” The problem is they
didn’t think it through. If I was a “white rich guy” would I be shopping at 99
cents only? So this little charade continued for a while. I
asked the white guy to get store security because I said I wasn’t going to
leave my van until this guy drove away…thinking he might do something to my car
if I walked into the store.
He kept demanding an “apology” to ‘his
woman” . I kept telling him I told her I was sorry when the slight touch or
bump occurred and I didn’t need to do it again, and
especially wouldn’t do it if he was trying to coerce it by intimidation. I was
ready to defend myself physically if he tried to do
anything. I didn’t flinch.
He had backed away after I asked him if
he was gay. That was a good line…have to remember that next time a dude like
this gets too close. Although there is a gay latino
community, the machisimo of latinos makes them extra sensitive to being called
gay. I could have raised the defense that she was standing in my “blind spot”
as I opened the door,
but what was the point.
This was NOT in fact about her being
hurt whatsoever. It was about a “white boy” touching the back of a latino girl
with his car door. Not to mention the fact that I’m
47-years-old. The white guy who was supporting me had seen the Jesus sticker on
my car and liked it. That’s what I’m all about…what my life is all about.
And at the moment I realized that NO
MATTER how long I stay here in southern California and do good things I will
never be treated as a fellow citizen by many because of racism. Yes, racism. It’s not really even “reverse racism” in
southern California because white’s don’t have much power to be racist…we’re
not even the majority..we don’t have that kind of power.
This was more like being at Dodger
stadium, which is predominantly Latino…a white person (think of Brian Stow) is
at the mercy of Latinos. IF they get angry and get a mob mentality going, you’re a dead man, almost
literally in Brian Stow’s case. IN this case, he finally drove away…I retained
my masculinity. I didn’t back down. No punches ultimately were pulled.
But it still ruins a few hours of
the day…maybe even the whole day..maybe even a few weeks or months in a tiny
part of your mind as you mull over how UNFAIR the
incident was. Normally, this would be a matter of “common grace”. Somebody does
something incidentally and accidentally…no harm..maybe a moment of surprise at
being touched by a car door…probably they didn’t think anybody was in the car
at all, but once everybody realizes what happens, it’s over.
It’s like somebody brushing into you accidentally in a grocery store aisle. You don’t like it for a moment, but 99% of the time you realize it was purely coincidental and incidental and had nothing to do with them being careless around you because of your skin color or whatever. It only becomes an issue if a person is a “drama queen” trying to make something out of nothing.
I felt sorry for the guy later on…given he thought I might have actually done it on purpose because he thought I had no regard for the gal because she was a poor Latino. Truly, I didn’t know anybody was there at all…it could have been the first lady of the USA, or the queen of England…I simply didn’t know anybody was there.
They were in my “blind spot.”
God bless this young man and “his woman” . I
hope he finds a way to diffuse his
generalized
anger towards me as a “white person”. I
love
ALL people,
red-yellow-black-white…even
purple. God bless
you my friend.
